Emotional Manipulation After Divorce: When Digital Boundaries Are Crossed

Have you ever found yourself questioning your right to privacy, even after divorce?

What does it mean when someone from your past insists they still have access to your accounts, even though the relationship is over?

Recently, I found myself unexpectedly locked out of my Verizon account for 24 hours. Why? My former partner, someone who used to share that account with me attempted to log in. When confronted, they said something that stuck with me:
“I have a right to it. We used to have that account together.”

That one statement hit like a warning bell. And I realized: this is a subtle, but powerful, form of emotional manipulation after divorce.

The Myth of "Used To"

We used to share a life.
We used to share accounts.
We used to share trust.

But “used to” is not permission. It's not consent. And it’s certainly not a reason to bypass someone’s privacy.

Too often after a divorce or separation, one person continues to assert control in covert ways, especially when there are shared histories, children, or finances involved. It may not look like classic abuse. It may sound like “logic.” But if your boundaries are being ignored, questioned, or pushed you're likely experiencing emotional manipulation.

Are You Being Emotionally Manipulated Digitally?

Ask yourself:

• Do you feel nervous or guilty about setting basic boundaries with your ex?

• Has your ex tried to access your accounts, devices, or information without permission?

• Do they use past agreements to justify present-day oversteps?

If you answered yes to any of these, it’s time to name it for what it is: an attempt to control or manipulate after the relationship has ended.

How to Reclaim Your Digital Safety After Divorce:

• Change your passwords for all major accounts (phone, email, banking).

• Use two-step authentication to block unauthorized logins.

• Call your service provider and ask for account notes or a security PIN so only you can make changes.

• Keep a record of any attempts to access your private information.

• Trust your instincts. If it feels like a violation, it is.

You don’t owe anyone continued access just because you used to be in their life.

Emotional Manipulation After Divorce Isn’t Always Loud

Sometimes, it’s a quiet override of your “no.”
Sometimes, it’s a guilt trip about what you “used to” share.
Sometimes, it’s the fear that saying no will “make things worse.”

But here's the truth: protecting your peace is not provocative. It’s powerful.

You are allowed to set digital boundaries. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to keep your accounts, your passwords, and your emotional energy safe.

Here’s what I want you to hear:

Your digital life is part of your emotional and physical safety.
Your account is your account.
Your boundaries are valid, even if they’re inconvenient to someone else.

You're not being dramatic. You're being wise.

If this resonates with you, whether you're dealing with a high-conflict co-parenting situation, an ex who doesn’t understand limits, or you're learning to reclaim your space, know this: you're not alone. And you don't have to figure it out alone.

I work with clients every day who are navigating the blurry lines of shared histories and new boundaries. If you need help finding your footing, feel free to reach out.

Your digital life is part of your emotional well-being. And yes, you can draw the line with confidence, clarity, and compassion for yourself.

Your peace is worth protecting online and off.